This week I am simply burned out.
I am reaching a point where I feel like I am swimming through a spectrum of feelings ranging through overwhelmed, tired, blah, don't care, and bite me. I'm bored but yet with so much to do in both my academic, personal and work life. I feel like I am ready for a change but lacking in motivation.
I suppose everyone gets this way once in a while. I could blame it on the winter blues. It's the beginning of March and we just got dumped on again last Friday with a foot of snow. My patience with the cold is wearing thin.
However, I'm not sure if it is simply the weather. Maybe I do need a change. The days now seem monotonous- something I craved last semester when working 7am-10pm between internship and my job-but now I can't find the satisfaction. What is wrong with me? Part of me wonders if my go, go, go lifestyle has me so jacked up that I can't find it in me to stop and enjoy the moment. Why can't I just enjoy some slow simplicity every once in a while? Why am I never completely satisfied, always striving for more?
Maybe this is part of the 'dans le flou' cycle...I mean we spend so much of our lives up til this point constantly working for our futures, working toward goals, setting ourselves up for success. What happens when you get there? Or what happens when you are done setting up but the success is not immediate?
Logically, I know that at age 24 I have a masters degree, a house, an upcoming wedding and a full time job (not one I particularly like, care about, or which relates to my field of study, but a job nonetheless). Maybe I should take a breath for once in my life. Maybe I don't need to find a job in my field today, next week or even in the next six months. It will not kill me to stop moving and enjoy my life for a while. But then why does my life feel so stagnant and unsatisfactory now? It's not even like I have assumed the role of a slacker-I still am working around my house, planning the wedding and taking post-graduate classes while working full time. Yet it doesn't seem enough and I almost feel more burned out than if I was as busy as my last semester. Huh?
I really think they should hold classes on this. Methods for slowing down, enjoying life and transitioning into adulthood. I have a wonderful sense of ambition and drive, but while I love this about myself, I know there is much more to life. I only hope that soon I can find the satisfaction in the ordinary, recognize the small, less noticeable gifts in my life and find my balance between initiative and idleness.
