Transient. Everything today is transient. The only things constant is change. At 23, people are transient, jobs are transient, moods, friendships, relationships, even clothes and lifestyles.
Unfortunetely, the transience moves at such a different pace for each one of us that it is hard for relationships to be sustaining and emotions to stay stable.
As some of us are finishing our degrees(undergrad and grad), I find many of my friends talking about moving across the country. This idea of moving strains relationships and brings up a lot of hard questions. If I move-what will happen to my relationships? Will I still be friends with my friends if I move? What happens if my partner moves...do I move with them? Do I give up everything I have in my life to move with them? Or do we go our separate ways?
Even without physically moving, once college ends and post-graduate life begins, relationships change. Relationships with friends wax or wane, relationships with parents change as we are closer or their adult world, romantic relationships fizzle or flourish. As these relationships change, I have had a difficult time adjusting and figuring out a new balancing act.
Luckily, I have a great romantic relationship that has only flourished since college ended, but I see many others around me who are not so lucky. Personal opinions and deep felt emotions about the degree of commitment desired are so different that it can create a strong divide among people that would be otherwise compatible.
As college ends and this dans le flou stage begins, life expectations and lifestyles are also a broad spectrum that can range from those who live a party-hardy lifesyle to those who are looking to settle down. For me, it has been a difficult to find where I fit. I attributed this to being a Gemini- a person with twins of opposite personalities. I am more of a homebody than a partier, but certain times, I still like to get a little crazy and pretend I'm back in my college hay days. As these lifestyles take shape, I have found it can alienate certain friends or give way to realizations about relationships. I found that many of my college friends, weren't friends. They were party buddies. This had caused a certain amount of precariousness as I try to form new relationships...I can't form a friendship with someone who spends every single day of every single weekend at a bar-or can I? Is that being too judgmental?
I have also found that my boyfriend is not, at all, a partier or a drinker despite our mutual late nights in college, which poses a difference of opinion when I do want to go out and let my hair down. Basic scenario: he gets annoyed when come home with a bit too much to drink ('bit' being a bit of an understatement) and then I get annoyed that a.) he cares if I've been drinking and b.) he won't let loose in the same manner anymore. Remember I said I was lucky to have had a relationship flourish since college? Don't take that lightly or wholeheartedly- while we have flourished, it has not been without some major clashes, readjustments and a constant re-balancing act of roles, responses, and functions within our relationship. It's been a long journey in the (less than) 2 short years since we graduated college but in the end it's been a good one-however, one greatly affected by the overwhelming transience in our life since then.
Sometimes I think, 'stop making this such a big deal-just embrace the transience.' I am, in fact, working towards that. Sometimes it works. Some days I feel so excited about being so young and having so many opportunities and paths to chose from and the vastness of potential for my future. However, on the other hand, as someone who has never done well with change, asking to embrace this ambiguity is asking a lot. So I struggle. Everyday. But everyday I also remember to enjoy today. That someday I will look back and wish for these days again where possibilities were endless.
Thursday, January 21, 2010
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
"Dans le Flou"
Hello world. Or not. I'm not really sure how or what to do here or who will ever actually read this, but as a 23-year old young professional in the new decade, it is my New Years resolution for 2010 to blog for one year about my life 'dans le flou.' In French, dans le flou means between two stages, at at twenty three, that pretty much sums up where I feel I am in my life. The life of the proverbial college student is over, despite continuation to graduate school, and unfortunately, my graduate work, or lack there of, has me waiting for the professional job of my choosing until my degree is complete while I mindlessly work at a entry level position to get me through graduate school.
In other words, I'm in limbo- not yet an adult, but certainly no longer a child or adolescent. And I feel this must be a similar feeling for, not all, but some hard working and driven early-to-mid twenty something's like myself. Sometimes it seems like this this is the time in life that is a black hole of nothingness- nothing exciting about daily life, nothing immediate to look forward to, and everyone you know if moving in a million different directions at a million different speeds.
After moving at warp speed through the lazy days and exciting nights of undergraduate college and all the hype of graduation, life now at the immediate post-graduate years can tend to seem overwhelming, or empty, and we are left with the thought 'now what?' Some of us are lucky and find great jobs soon after graduation. Others marry their high school or college sweethearts and start their families, but I would wager that on the whole (being completely biased of course) there are people like me or those I know from experience, who are continuing their education for any prospect of a professional job, working at a monotonous entry level positions, and moving home while everyone around us seemingly moves on with life.
It's a a time where life is a double-edged sword- the world is a buffet with everything theoretically for the taking, yet we don't always know what we want, what to look for or what to expect. There are handbooks, articles, and what can seem like a never-ending parade of familial advice on how to deal with high school, college, weddings, parenting, but sometimes it feels like there is a huge void of conversation about this time- the in between - life when you are living in an adult world without feeling like you fit there, without feeling like you really are an adult.
At least, this is my life. Right for the last year and a half until now. I may seem to make assumptions or large, sweeping statements, but at the end of the day, this is only my experience, but I hope that if nothing else, it gives someone (maybe even just myself) a perspective on life dans le flou, between two stages.
In other words, I'm in limbo- not yet an adult, but certainly no longer a child or adolescent. And I feel this must be a similar feeling for, not all, but some hard working and driven early-to-mid twenty something's like myself. Sometimes it seems like this this is the time in life that is a black hole of nothingness- nothing exciting about daily life, nothing immediate to look forward to, and everyone you know if moving in a million different directions at a million different speeds.
After moving at warp speed through the lazy days and exciting nights of undergraduate college and all the hype of graduation, life now at the immediate post-graduate years can tend to seem overwhelming, or empty, and we are left with the thought 'now what?' Some of us are lucky and find great jobs soon after graduation. Others marry their high school or college sweethearts and start their families, but I would wager that on the whole (being completely biased of course) there are people like me or those I know from experience, who are continuing their education for any prospect of a professional job, working at a monotonous entry level positions, and moving home while everyone around us seemingly moves on with life.
It's a a time where life is a double-edged sword- the world is a buffet with everything theoretically for the taking, yet we don't always know what we want, what to look for or what to expect. There are handbooks, articles, and what can seem like a never-ending parade of familial advice on how to deal with high school, college, weddings, parenting, but sometimes it feels like there is a huge void of conversation about this time- the in between - life when you are living in an adult world without feeling like you fit there, without feeling like you really are an adult.
At least, this is my life. Right for the last year and a half until now. I may seem to make assumptions or large, sweeping statements, but at the end of the day, this is only my experience, but I hope that if nothing else, it gives someone (maybe even just myself) a perspective on life dans le flou, between two stages.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)