Transient

Transient. Everything today is transient. The only things constant is change. At 23, people are transient, jobs are transient, moods, friendships, relationships, even clothes and lifestyles.
Unfortunetely, the transience moves at such a different pace for each one of us that it is hard for relationships to be sustaining and emotions to stay stable.

As some of us are finishing our degrees(undergrad and grad), I find many of my friends talking about moving across the country. This idea of moving strains relationships and brings up a lot of hard questions. If I move-what will happen to my relationships? Will I still be friends with my friends if I move? What happens if my partner moves...do I move with them? Do I give up everything I have in my life to move with them? Or do we go our separate ways?

Even without physically moving, once college ends and post-graduate life begins, relationships change. Relationships with friends wax or wane, relationships with parents change as we are closer or their adult world, romantic relationships fizzle or flourish. As these relationships change, I have had a difficult time adjusting and figuring out a new balancing act.

Luckily, I have a great romantic relationship that has only flourished since college ended, but I see many others around me who are not so lucky. Personal opinions and deep felt emotions about the degree of commitment desired are so different that it can create a strong divide among people that would be otherwise compatible.

As college ends and this dans le flou stage begins, life expectations and lifestyles are also a broad spectrum that can range from those who live a party-hardy lifesyle to those who are looking to settle down. For me, it has been a difficult to find where I fit. I attributed this to being a Gemini- a person with twins of opposite personalities. I am more of a homebody than a partier, but certain times, I still like to get a little crazy and pretend I'm back in my college hay days. As these lifestyles take shape, I have found it can alienate certain friends or give way to realizations about relationships. I found that many of my college friends, weren't friends. They were party buddies. This had caused a certain amount of precariousness as I try to form new relationships...I can't form a friendship with someone who spends every single day of every single weekend at a bar-or can I? Is that being too judgmental?

I have also found that my boyfriend is not, at all, a partier or a drinker despite our mutual late nights in college, which poses a difference of opinion when I do want to go out and let my hair down. Basic scenario: he gets annoyed when come home with a bit too much to drink ('bit' being a bit of an understatement) and then I get annoyed that a.) he cares if I've been drinking and b.) he won't let loose in the same manner anymore. Remember I said I was lucky to have had a relationship flourish since college? Don't take that lightly or wholeheartedly- while we have flourished, it has not been without some major clashes, readjustments and a constant re-balancing act of roles, responses, and functions within our relationship. It's been a long journey in the (less than) 2 short years since we graduated college but in the end it's been a good one-however, one greatly affected by the overwhelming transience in our life since then.

Sometimes I think, 'stop making this such a big deal-just embrace the transience.' I am, in fact, working towards that. Sometimes it works. Some days I feel so excited about being so young and having so many opportunities and paths to chose from and the vastness of potential for my future. However, on the other hand, as someone who has never done well with change, asking to embrace this ambiguity is asking a lot. So I struggle. Everyday. But everyday I also remember to enjoy today. That someday I will look back and wish for these days again where possibilities were endless.